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Poetry
and Dreams
First
Love
Unrequited
Love
Loss
Potential
Moon
Dreams
Blue
Dawn
My first love~
Was he the first? Perhaps not. I certainly had crushes on men/boys before him. But he has a staying power and he reached deeper into me than any before him. The funny thing of it is that he never felt the same about me. I think I was a casual friend, fun to flirt with, intriguing perhaps but hardly one to lose his heart to. He's on my mind a lot. I glance at the stars, I ride through the desert and I'm filled with memories. I think of all the times I sat next to him in his car, all the chances he gave me to let him in, all the times I chickened out. So many might have beens, so many things I would have done differently. I don't know that the outcome could have been changed, I don't know that I could have made myself into the confident woman I would have needed to be. But he stays with me and my heart still skips a beat for him.
Know That It's Me
If there was one thing
I would ask of you
It’s to know that it’s me
If ever you needed someone
For whatever reason
Know that it’s me
If you ever want to depend
That someone’s behind you
Know that it’s me
If you ever want someone to love you
And hold you through the night
Know that it’s me
If I could tell you one thing
All through my days
I’d say know that it’s me
If you need someone to accept you
No matter what you do
Know that it’s me
If ever you wanted
Someone to hold your hand
Know that it’s me
If ever you want someone to love you
No matter what the cost
Know that it’s me
Just know that it’s me - always.
I Love You
Of course I always loved you
And maybe I only ever loved you
But it never guaranteed
That we’d have a life together
Or that you felt the same way
When you touch me the way you do
I tingle to the tips of my toes
But it never meant you loved me
Or that you’d never leave
Sometime I feel your touch
Even though your miles away
But it doesn’t mean you think of me
Or that I’m ever in your dreams
But even though there are no guarantees
Even though you may never have loved me
I cannot help but hold you in my heart
And love you as I always have
Can I Hold On
Can I hold on to that moment
That moment when you were mine
When, of all things, you chose me
Can I hold it in my heart
And treasure it forever
Or will it fade away
Like so many things
Remembered only from words
Or faded pictures
I want so much to remember
That once, just once
You were entirely mine
I want to feel your touch
And hear your words
Can I hold on to you
And all the feelings we shared
Or does it always go away
Can I hold on this time
To a memory of love so sweet
That it grips me even now
That shining memory of you
I Miss Him
Sometimes my heart is filled with him
I’ll look up into a starry sky
And my eyes will fill with tears
Because I’ll remember that we once
Looked at the stars
Or I’ll be doing something inconsequential
And my heart will swell
At the thought of him
And I’ll have to smile
And I’ll miss him
I miss him so much at times
I think I might burst
I can almost feel his arms around me
His breath on my neck
And I wrap my arms around the memory
And hold it close
Think how very much I love him
But sometimes all I can do is cry
Because I remember that he’s gone.
I Still Love You
I still love you
Despite everything, I still love you
Though a thousand obstacles
Stand between us
And time and distance
Have driven us apart
I still love you
Sometimes I think
It’s just that I’ve loved you so long
I don’t know how not to love you
But it’s not as simple as that
My dreams are haunted
By visions of you
And no matter how many steps
I take away from you
I still love you.
Path to His Heart
I no longer remember his smile
And his voice has faded from my memory
But his shadowy form still surfaces in my dreams
And I feel the same ache in my heart
If I could go back to the beginning
Knowing I wouldn’t have him in the end
I wonder if I would do things differently
Make different choices, say different things
I wonder if there was a path
That would have led me to his arms
Without then leading me away
I love the life I have
But I wonder if I would give it all
To have had the path to his heart.
Everything About You
I remember everything about you
I hold it in my heart
Your smile, your laugh, your touch
I remember everything about you
It keeps me warm at night
Your voice, your eyes, your kiss
I remember everything about you
It's all that I have left
Your face, your arms, your heart
I don't think I can ever forget
Sometimes You're Here
You haven't been part of my life
For several years now
But sometimes you're here
And if I close my eyes
I can even feel your touch
Sometimes it warms me
And makes me feel so in love
Other times it breaks my heart
I remember moments with you
As if they happened yesterday
With all the colors
And all the feeling
And I wonder when
Someone else will come along
Who makes me feel even
Half as much as you do
Even now, miles and years away
What Would I Tell You
What would I tell you
If I had the chance
Of that I can't be sure
I know that you
Have touched my heart
In a way that few have
And if I could tell you
I think I might say
I love you for the things
You have made of me
The hope and light and life
You brought from me
I love you for the way
You always make me feel
Happy and content and
Sometimes even sexy
But you also make me
Nervous and shy
So how could I ever say
How beautiful life is
When I am with you
What would I tell you
If I had the chance
I'll never know for sure
But maybe, just maybe
I'd say I love you.
Dreams
It seems like years since I saw his smile
And I suppose it has been that at least
Yet he haunts my dreams
There we find the love we couldn't have
I wish I could hold him closer
Feel his arms, hear his voice
My heart still aches at the thought of him
His picture still makes me smile
And the dreams, oh the dreams
If only I could have had half as much
When I still had him
But I never had the nerve to let him know
And now I only have the dreams.
How Can I Love You
I often wonder how I can love you
When you surely don't love me
You are the substance of my life
And yet I fear I am a footnote in yours
How is it possible to feel like I do
Without you here, without a word
You drift further and further into the past
And yet I feel you still, here, with me
Surely there is no future between us
And yet it fills my thoughts, my dreams
I can not help but hope it isn't over
Even though everything says it is
I often wonder if you think of me
I have no reason to think you might
You often love me in my dreams
And I fear that's all they'll ever be.
You Never Said
You never said I love you
You never said you'd stay
But I didn't listen
And fell in love anyway
I wanted a forever
I wanted your heart to be mine
But you had a life to lead
And there never would be time
I try to say I dreamed it
I try to say it wasn't true
But the love I feel remains
Long after I've lost you.
Worst Thing
Sometimes I think that loving you
Was the worst thing I ever did
I caused myself endless heartache and pain
And what do I have to show for it?
Your heart, your name, your child?
I have not a one.
What I do have is memories
That make my heart ache for you
And an emptiness
That no one else seems to fill
And yet I cannot wish
That I never loved you
I try.
But I am still too in love with you
To ever want to let go.
You Still Hold My Heart
You found your way into my heart
Down into the deepest part
But you had other plans
For your life
And you moved on
But you still hold my heart
I used to dream
That maybe someday
You would come to reclaim
The love I offered you
But I’ve moved on myself
And how could I go
If you asked me to
I’ve made promises
That I’m trying hard to keep
But it doesn’t change
My deepest heart
I try not to wonder
If you still love me
It’s hard enough
Living without you
Believing you love someone else
I don’t think I’d survive
Knowing you loved me
And knowing it still couldn’t be
Castles in the Sand
Was loving you just like
Building castles in the sand
Was I trying to make us
Into something that would never be
Castles torn down by
Wind, rain, and the sea
Ever returning to nothing
But I keep building
And they are breathtaking
But if you touch them
Do they crumble
Only castles in the sand
Or will they stand
Unchanged by the ebbing tide
Did ever a mighty fortress
Start as a castle in the sand
When
How is it possible
That I still love you
When everything says I shouldn't?
Why is it
That I hang on
When everything says to let go?
Why don't I remember
That you broke my heart
When you call my name?
Why do I hold
That feeling inside
When you first kissed me?
When will I learn
That it will never be?
When the angels come for me.
Did I Ever Love You
Did I ever love you
Was it ever true
Sometimes it seems so far away
As if it happened somewhere else
To someone else
Other times it's so close
The pain and passion so fresh
I wonder how I'll survive
Were they real
The feelings I remember
Or has time intensified
What I can't forget
How will I ever know
When all I have is memories
And so little of you
You Continue to Delight Me
Through all the years
You have never stopped
Delighting me
You rain joy into my life
With your very existence
You make me laugh
Even through my tears
You bring a thrill
Deep into my heart
At the sight of your face
And your smile
Can bring me to tears
Of deepest gratitude
That you have not
Left me far behind
Even though you could have
I wish I could touch you
Feel your sweet embrace
How that would energize me
Right my world
Erase my fears
You still have
Such power over me
No matter how far
In years and miles
You charm me
At every turn
Enchant me, disarm me
Steal my heart away
You’ve always had it
I may have denied
I may have claimed
To have put you behind
But you continue to
Delight me in so many ways
Win me with a word
Seduce me with a glance
Oh how sweet it feels
To still love you
Impossible To Believe
It seems impossible to believe that I had you
Even once, even for a moment
At times I'm sure it never happened
You never once loved me
But I know different, my heart remembers
Once you were mine, and mine alone
You held me in your arms and heart
And for that time, for that night
You loved me best and first
It was only a moment really
But it meant the world to me.
Close To You
So close to you
My fingers long to reach out
Caress over your jaw
Down your neck
Slide through your hair
Trace your collarbone
To feel your heartbeat
Beneath my palm
Just a breath away
And the urge is strong
To lean closer
Brush my lips against yours
Nibble and taste
I don't know how to resist
And yet I do
I wonder if my eyes betray me
Or if I hide it so well
I want nothing more
Than to touch you
In a thousand ways
So much to explore
I can never get enough
So close to me
Just an inch or two
My fingers tingle with the urge
To trace every inch of you
I bite my lip
To keep from saying
Just what I want to do
Not wanting to displease you
Knowing you've had enough
Of touching me
I try to contain myself
Though it's hard to do
Such sweet torture
Being so close to you
Perfect Moments
At times I want to cry
When I think back
To the perfect moments
You always gave to me
Aching to hold you
Aching to love you
And knowing it will not be
I never thought
I'd have the chance
To touch you once again
And I never thought
It would break my heart
To let you go again
No closer to knowing
Just how you feel for me
No closer to knowing
Why I'll always dream
And even though I cry sometimes
From wanting you so much
I cherish every perfect moment
That you have given me
Aching to touch you
Aching to love you
And dreaming it just might be
Circles
What a funny path I've followed
Traveling around in circles
And always back to you
Surprised and delighted
To once again find you
Right in front of me
You'd think I'd finally know
This circular path I'm on
And come to expect your presence
Know that you're never gone
At least not for very long
Yet each time I head out
I'm sure you'll be left behind
Afraid I'll never see you
Or touch you or feel you
In this life again
Yet I will surely come full circle
And wind up at your door
What should I make of that
Can this path I'm following
Actually be quite true
Will the day finally come
When we journey on together
Or have I been so short sighted
Thinking I'm making progress
When I'm only going in circles
Should I see you as a sign
That I haven't got it right
Will the day finally come
When the circle is broken
And you're forever beyond my view
For now I'll just smile
At this funny path I'm traveling
That sometimes makes me dizzy
Always coming back to you
Only For the Night
You set my world to spinning
And showed me the stars
I could have spent forever
Wrapped in your embrace
But I didn't have a place there
It was only for the night
You kissed me so sweetly
Then sent me on my way
I wanted to cling to you
And ask if I could stay
But I knew it was foolish
And I slowly slipped away
You took me places I never dreamed
And swept me off my feet
Showed me a glimpse
Of what might have been
But not how to give it life
It was only for the night
You held me so gently
Then brought me back to earth
I wanted to spill my heart
And tell you all my dreams
But I knew they were foolish
And I let them slip away
The Nearness of You
I could write a thousand poems
Read every word
That’s ever been penned
Yet still I’d never find the words
To express
What you do to me
The nearness of you
The feel of you
Your voice
Your laugh
Your touch
All those things expressly you
I could write until I die
Watch every movie
That’s ever been filmed
Yet still I’d never find the words
To show
What you mean to me
The nearness of you
The feel of you
Your smile
Your eyes
Your kiss
All those things completely you
I’ve written it down
I’ve read it
And seen it
But those words just aren’t enough
To capture
What you are to me
The way my heart beats
The way my senses react
My thoughts
My breath
My dreams
All the ways you’ve filled me
There are no words for that
