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Poetry
and Dreams
First
Love
Unrequited
Love
Loss
Potential
Moon
Dreams
Blue
Dawn
All good things come to an end~
How I wish it wasn't so. How I wish that the pleasure wasn't tempered by the pain. But nothing lasts forever and some things last but a moment. And each loss wounds me. At times I fear that the wounds will win and I'll stop trying, stop hoping, stop dreaming. That frightens me more than anything.
If I Had Known
If I had known
That I would never see you again
What I would have said
What I would have done differently
To let you know how I felt
How much you meant
But I couldn't see the future
And I felt sure
That there would be time
And all things could be
Would be said
If I could have known
That it would be the last time
How I would have held you
How I would have cried
But there were no signs
And you were gone
Before I realized
If only I had known
That our time together was spent
What I would have told you
How I would have tried
To let you know I love you
For that I sometimes cry
I didn't see it coming
I thought I had more time
Even now I still love you
If only in my mind
One Day
I felt such passion and desire
In your arms and in your heart
At times it frightened me
To feel so much for you
I was sure it would destroy me
In the end when I one day lost you
And though it hasn't happened yet
I see it on the horizon
You'll move on, you'll find someone
Your passion for me will fade
And the pain I feel right now
Frightens me to my very soul
What will I do when that day comes
And you're nothing more than my friend
How lost will I be, how alone and lonely
To taste desire so sweet and pure
To know what it's like to be loved
Then live each day for the rest of my life
And know I'll never feel it again
To look at you, see you smile
And know you're loving someone else
I still have you for this moment
And I can still entertain my dreams
But one day soon is on it's way
And I dread the moment you'll tell me
That you don't want me anymore
If It Isn't You
I want to break down and cry
I want to hide away forever
I ache to my very soul
At the inevitable loss of you
And who will save me
Who will dry my tears
And hold me so tight
When my world falls apart
I have no one
If I don't have you
I'll miss your kisses
And your soft gentle touch
The way you looked at me
As if I was your world
I'll miss the teasing
The way you made me whole
And who will I turn to
When the pain is too much
When I miss you so much
Who will save me
If it isn't you
It Seems So Strange
It seems so strange
Once I felt your love
I didn't doubt it for a moment
I felt cherished and special
Knew you awaited eagerly
For my thoughts and dreams
Now when I reach out
When I turn to you
I realize it's over
When I get no response
I wonder if you miss it
Even just a little
If there's nothing left
For you to say to me
It seems so strange
To feel ignored
Feel unloved
Feel there's no room for me
When once I thought
I was your world
And never dreamed
You'd turn away from me
It seems so strange
To still need you
When it's so obvious
You don't need me.
Sadness
Sometimes my well of sadness shows through
A heart too long broken
A heart so ill-used
I cover it with smiles
I pretend it isn't really there
But sometimes the words leak through
And I hope you won't notice
I hope you'll fail to see
I do not want you to think
That sorrow is the sum of me
But sometimes I cannot help the tears
They come unannounced
They come uninvited
I brush them away
And try to lock them deep inside
But sometimes the tears come anyway
And I don't know what to do
To keep the sadness from coming through
Where Are the Tears
I know that I have lost you
That you've given yourself to her
It has come to pass
What I so long feared
And I wonder where the tears are
Have I cried every one
Or will it hit me late one night
When I long to feel you close
And I remember it's over
Will I weep once more
For a love that will never be
For passions and desires
That go unrequited once more
Maybe I've been here before
And my heart remembers
Once lost, never recovered
Friendship only, desire faded
Sure I am special to you
Sure you love me too
But never again as lovers
Never again first with you
And I have been here before
In love with a friend
Who can never love me
With all the passion and desire
With all the strength and devotion
That I feel for you
Maybe the tears won't come
Because I knew all along
It could only end
I give my heart foolishly
And only when it's too late
Do I see it wasn't wanted
You are lost to me
And yet I cannot cry
You still have my heart
And I do not have yours
Yet I cannot cry
I am unwanted once more
Second best at best
Merely a friend
A best friend perhaps
But less than everything to you
Yet I cannot cry
And I wonder why
Does my heart remember
Did it know all along
That you and I would never be
Or are they still to come
A song, a look, a memory
And the floodgates will open
And my heart will break
Because no matter how much
I love you
No matter how much I give
I'll never be enough
To win your heart again
Before I Met You
Before I met you I thought
No one would ever listen to me
Before I met you I thought
Poetry was something I used to write
Before I met you I thought
I would never feel a lover's kiss
Before I met you I thought
I would never fall in love again
Before I met you I thought
My chance for happiness had passed
Before I met you I thought
It was ok to give and never receive
Before I met you I thought
I would never be strong enough
Before I met you I thought
My heart had been broken once
But then I met you…
I Couldn't Feel You
I couldn't feel you
No matter how I tried
I couldn't feel a thing
Though you were standing by my side
I ached with unshed tears
I couldn't quite explain
You were standing here with me
Yet I was alone again
My mind began to wander
Seeking refuge in my dreams
I had thought I wouldn't need them
But I always will it seems
You seem so far away
Though you are so close to me
And I wonder if I'll ever know
Why that has to be
I was afraid to touch you
Afraid you'd pull away
And tear my heart from my chest
With all that it would say
I wonder if it's hormones
Or doubts and fears entwined
And if your love is ever true
The loss a figment of my mind
I couldn't feel you
In that place inside my heart
That told me you were mine alone
And that we'd never part
And as the tears begin to fall
I wonder what you'll do
Will you save me from this plight
Or confirm my fears are true
Despair
I heard despair call to me
In soft and whispered words
Teasing my senses
Caressing my skin
"Remember me, my love"
It had been so long
Since I'd felt his touch
I'd almost forgotten it
Daring to hold hope inside
We'd never again become
As intimate as once we were
Yet today I heard his voice
And felt his whispered breath
"Did you think I'd leave you love
I am too fond of you by far
Do you think there exists even one
Who can keep me from your side"
I wonder if he's come to stay
Or just reminding me
How well acquainted we've been
Lest I forget the feel of him
I heard despair call to me
And I didn't want to answer
I wanted to pretend
It was just the wind
But couldn't help my bitter reply
Wondering why he couldn't let me be
"You make it much too easy love
You dream the grandest dreams
You think hope is strong enough
To save you even now
But love's play is for two
And no matter how you hope
You can not bar the doors
From his heart to yours"
And with that laughing response
Despair slipped quietly away
And I wonder when he'll come again
And if my hope is strong enough
To never let him win
Or if it is completely out of reach
No matter what I do
If despair will win my lover's heart
And one day sever us in two
And come whispering again
"Remember me, my love
I just couldn't stay away"
I Miss You
I miss the sound of your voice
And the way it made me weak
I miss your playfulness
And the way it made me smile
I miss your care and concern
And the way it made me feel
I miss your presence
And the way it made me whole
I miss your words
And the way they made me sigh
I miss you
My Heart is Aching
I find my heart is aching
And longing for the day
When you might come
To call for me
And brush these tears away
I leave a window open
So you might climb inside
But will there be a day
When I forget at last
And close the shutter tight
And turn my thoughts
To other dreams
And put you in the past
Or will I lay in bed
Amid a gentle breeze
And feel a phantom touch
And dream of you and me
Clinging forever to a hope
Of waking in your arms
Not knowing if I'm foolish
Or if your words were true
I leave that window open
Though I don't always
Check the view
To afraid of an empty horizon
And not a word from you
You Reached Out to Me
You reached out to me
In a sweet and thoughtful way
Cared for my heart
And my kind and gentle ways
And I wanted to cry
Over your sincerity
And all of the things
That would just never be
You worried that you'd hurt me
By being who you are
And treading so carelessly
On a tender fragile heart
And I wanted to cry
Over your remorse
And all of the things
That you don't know about me
You asked for my forgiveness
For the liberties you took
Not seeing my sweet smile
Too afraid to even look
And I wanted to cry
Over your kindness
And all of the things
That you'll never ask of me
Letting Go
I hold your face between my palms
And kiss you oh so softly
Lingering when I know I shouldn't
Tears sting the back of my eyes
And ache deep within my chest
You are so amazingly beautiful
And so very, very precious
But you are not meant for me
Other loves will come for you
Young and strong and sweet and true
They will capture you, enthrall you
And I will fade into the mist
The faintest of memories
A gentle, loving, true heart
But just not meant for you
Too broken, too bruised, too jaded
For a heart so young as you
I surrender to the feel of your body
Pressed so seductively to mine
Knowing I should walk away
But wanting to hold you one more time
This life is not meant for you and me
And perhaps there never will be one
But your light will always shine
As a mark upon my soul
A reminder of younger days
When there was purity of thought and deed
And all the world seemed at my feet
When mistakes had yet to be made
And wounds had yet to bleed
You brought me so many gifts
And I wish I could accept them all
But you are meant for finer things
Than this aging, aching soul
So I kiss you once more longingly
Wanting so much to make you mine
But knowing I must let go
These Tears
The tears come unbidden
Never asking for permission
They catch me unawares
Wait until I am not prepared
And then some vision
Some sly turn of phrase
And they escape so easily
To stream down my face
And I try to stop them
To choke them back
But sometimes I only choke
And then sob in defeat
I do not even know at times
Just what I'm crying for
But the tears come anyway
Not caring if I want them
Come to wash away the sorrow
The bitterness, the regret
And a thousand nameless things
I've tried so hard to forget
It catches me off guard
When they drip into my lap
And clog my chest in pain
A deep breath or two
A discreet wiping of the eyes
And usually it's past
But sometimes they win
And my voice cracks
And turns so watery
And I can scarcely breathe
Without a shuddering sigh
I curse the ease with which they come
And tend to linger here
I chide myself for foolishness
Because I can't name the why
And thus acknowledging the pain
And forgo the need to cry
Instead I am but mystified
At the depth of despair
That opens wide the ducts
And prompts the shed of tears
No Comforting
I want to fall in a heap at your feet
And burst into stinging, hot tears
I know that you cannot comfort me
I wonder if you can even understand
And whatever your wishes might be
You can only tell me some dreams
Sadly, just won't ever come true
And I feel so much like a child
Crying out that it just isn't fair
And I wonder why I can't let go
And accept the world as it is
That some things will never be mine
I want to cling to you so tightly
And feel you sheltering me
I know you ache so much for me
But you will not be here for me
I know I need to stand on my own
And that I can only let it go
Even though the tears are blinding me
And burning so hotly in my throat
I know there will be no comforting
And that some dreams, however sweet,
Have no life and aren't meant to be
But I can't help but mourn them as they go
And wonder what's the use of dreams
No More Dreams
No more dreams
I've packed them away
Perhaps I will miss them
Come some rainy day
When I sit all alone
And think back to the time
When you gave me your heart
And I forever lost mine
And I'll remember how sweet
It was to dream with you
And to hold out hope
That dreams can come true
Perhaps then I will miss them
Gathering dust somewhere
And perhaps I will cry
Knowing I must leave them there
Sick to Death
I am sick to death of pretending
That I am so generous and kind
That I would gladly let you go
To chase your silly dreams
When I want nothing more
Than to keep you here with me
I want you nowhere else but here
Promising and professing
Your undying love to me
I want you haunted and enraptured
And overcome by deep desire
I cannot bear the thought
Of other lips upon your own
Or other bodies satisfying you
When you should be mine alone
I am sick to death of saying
I wish you only the best
And that I understand
Why you need to leave
When the only thing I know
Is you belong right here
There is no better place for you
Captured and surrounded
In my undying love
There is no better heart for you
Than the one beating in this chest
I cannot bear the thought
Of other hearts within your own
Or other loves making you whole
When you should be mine alone
I am sick to death of pretending
That I am so generous and kind
I want nothing more than to hold you
But you are no longer mine
Lost
I wonder if I am lost
Forever in this dream
Always reaching for something
That's never reaching for me
Not willing to let go
Though there is nothing
Left to hold
I wonder if I am lost
In a sea of might have beens
Not believing in a future
Any brighter than today
Only seeing the mistakes
And all the things
I didn't say
I wonder if I am lost
Amidst all the memories
Reliving all those moments
That I held my dreams
Trying to find the reasons
This one was also
Lost to me
Empty Spot
There's an empty spot
I find sometimes
Deep within my heart
I filled it once
With silver wings
And sultry things
I thought that
They would last
And yet I find
It's empty once again
Only an echo remains
I try to ignore it
And go about my life
But echoes grow in stillness
And empty spaces call
I miss those silver wings
That beat against my heart
And sultry things
That made me feel alive
When I close my eyes
I find them
An echo of what was
Memories of a time
Not so long ago
When my heart was full
Now there's an empty spot
I find sometimes
Silence lies between us
Silence lies between us
And I must at last accept
That you have placed it there
Yet I cannot help but hope
Though hope tears me apart
That you will come for me
Call my name into the stillness
And know that I will respond
Where is that heaven
Where is that heaven
I found in your arms
That sanctuary
That kept me safe
From all the world
Was it real
Can I find it
With anyone else but you
Where is that heaven
I found in loving you
That blissfulness
That made me whole
And kept me sane
Was it just a dream
Will I ever find it
In the arms of someone else
Outside
I sit and look out at the world
Watching everyone rush right by
And I know they don't know me
And I know they don't care
I'm lost in my loneliness
I've forgotten how to try
I see them making connections
Kisses and hugs between old friends
Whispered conversations
Laughter trickling through the air
And I know I'm on the outside
And I know I'll never fit in
I ache to have that closeness
To feel I belong in some small way
I wish just once they'd turn to me
Catch my eye and secretly smile
Feel a measure of possessiveness
Want me all to themselves
And I know I'm only dreaming
And I know they don't even see
I've hidden in the shadows far too long
And no one's looking for me there
Realization
I saw them kiss
And it struck me
How much was missing
What I lost
What I'll never regain
I've passed the point
Of youthful appeal
Settled into ordinariness
And I realized
That no eyes will be drawn to me
No heart will quicken at my sight
And it's a sad realization
A hopelessness
In a heart built on hope
And dreams
I saw the perfection
Between the two
And I felt ugly
In being plain
And whatever inner beauty
I might possess
Would surely go unnoticed
Who'd look for it here
And I realized
That no one would seek me
Or envy those around me
And it's a sad realization
An emptiness
In a heart overflowing
With dreams
There Are Moments
There are moments
I feel the press
Of holding on too tight
Of wanting things
I'll never have
Knowing I have no right
There are moments
I feel the pain
Of all the shattered dreams
Of wanting things
I'll never have
Knowing what might have been
There are moments
I cry in vain
Over things long gone
Over letting go
Of you again
Knowing I'm all alone
There are moments
I cry in pain
Over what could be
Over letting go
Of you again
Knowing you don't want me
It Hurts Too Much
It hurts too much
To want the things
I'll never have
To think that things
Might ever change
For all of life is sadness
And all I feel is pain
And all the might have beens
And all the wrong choices
Haunt me in my dreams
It hurts to much
To think of you
Knowing you don't feel the same
To reach for you
When life goes wrong
And have you turn away
For all of life is letting go
And all I have are dreams
It hurts too much
To breathe sometimes
When every breath is you
To want the things
I just can't have
And know that you
Don't want the same
For all of life is broken hearts
And all I love are lost
Useless
Useless questions
That have no answers
Useless to try
When it can only go wrong
Useless thoughts
That go nowhere
Useless dreams
That turn to dust
Useless fears
Of things unfounded
Useless to hope
When it can only fail
Useless wishes
That remain unfilled
Useless answers
That go unheard
Useless love
That lies unclaimed
Useless to be me
When all is said and done
